Adoption Here We Come - Part 4

For another two months there was more drama, more manipulation, the Birth Parents were constantly requesting money from the Birth Fathers’ Mom, they lived with the girls Mother and were thrown out of the house at least twice, members of the household participated in illegal activities, the entire household was consumed by financial issues, and Birth Mom was arrested for domestic violence practiced against Birth Dad according to police records. In a nutshell the Birth Parents were incredibly challenging to deal with. My friend and I talked constantly; she pulled in any and all family willing to help in the situation that lived near Birth Dad.

Through these emotionally tortuous months we became connected to this child, he became part of our family; his grandmother (our Friend) and her husband became part of our family. We loved this child, and expected to care for him, give him stability, love and a home. Through these emotionally tortuous months, we, actually me (I was trying to plan), kept putting time limits to get the adoption accomplished, you know, something like “we will give it another 45 days, if the birth parents haven’t fully complied we stop the process”.  The 45 days would draw near, Husband would ask “are we done?”, we never were done. It’s hard to give up.

We were notified that the Caseworker had found a suitable foster-to-adopt couple with four kids, neighbors to the Birth-maternal-grandfather. What a shock to us. To this day no one on the paternal side has access to either the first-born or the baby we were going to adopt. Through the caseworkers decision she not only erased this child from our lives, she erased any connection to the paternal family.

We were done.

I was devastated. We were devastated.

I liken it to what a woman goes through when she miscarries, that he was not of me biologically makes no difference he was living in my heart. The silver linings from this situation are that his Grandmother and I have become closer, we will be friends forever, and we understand each other so much more clearly now.  Secondly, I learned from our experience, I learned about drug-induced paranoia, I learned about serious manipulation skills, I learned how a drugged person could lie more convincingly than any Oscar winning performer. I learned the hard way.  On rare occasions we come across a picture of him from someone that knows someone that knows someone, I still treasure those pictures. Maybe some day when he is an adult, he will learn that his fathers family loved him enough to fight for him even though they had no access to him and this strange couple of whom he has no awareness loved him enough to open their hearts to him. Maybe someday I will see him as an adult.

To be continued……

© Yvonne B. Pérez and The Life and Confessions of an Older Mother, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Yvonne B. Pérez and The Life and Confessions of an Older Mother with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.