Its April 15th, we being the good little
tax-payers promptly submitted an extension on our taxes. Life is good. Husband,
Beny and my Parents are all-well. Things are progressing smoothly, the work
situation is not great, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I
almost have my book finished (another topic completely).
Beny is a little over a year old, she is amazing, every day
she brings more light and love into our world. She is joy personified, even
when throwing a little fit because she wants her own way. Of course, we had
talked over the past year about the negative aspects of having an only child,
and all of the negatives would impact Beny directly. She will be dealing with
older parents aging sooner than her friends parents alone, caring for ones’
parents alone without other siblings assistance must be challenging, but Beny
will have to deal with it at a much younger age. As much as we didn’t want Beny
to be an only child we knew there was no other option because of our age. It is
the hand we were dealt, no big deal. My sister, Marisa, is constantly raising
the topic that we should be giving Beny a sibling, its not in the cards.
My little safe bubble gets a surprise, I don’t like
surprises, I like my planning and I like life to proceed accordingly. Our
attorney from last year, Mirisa calls. Come to find out she is no longer in
private practice, Beny’s birth parents showed up at her office and met with her
ex-partner. The surprise is Birth-Mother is six months pregnant, yes, six
months. Never did that topic arise throughout our periodic conversations. The
Birth-Parents maturely recognize that they can not take care of an infant, they
are just getting their life back together, and are working on caring for their
older children. Here is the big question, “Will we adopt this new baby?”
My immediate response is a resounding “NO”, this is not a
good time in our lives, I am job-hunting hoping to start a new job soon, this
won’t work. Our new attorney, asks us to please think about it, this is a rare
opportunity to have the opportunity of adopting full siblings from birth, she
offers to make things easy for us, payment plan for attorney fees, etc. She
asks that we think about it for twenty-four hours, though the birth parents are
very anxious to know our response and they would like to know as soon as
possible. I think to myself, ‘Really, it would have been nice to know six
months ago, before I gave away all of Beny’s outgrown clothes’.
Conversation with Husband:
Me: Mirisa called, Birth-Mom is
pregnant.
Husband looks at me speechless, well, speechless isn’t new
for him, but the lack of a visual physical response is.
Me: I also talked to
attorney-partner, she has asked Birth-Parents for 24 hours to allow us time to
discuss and think about it. She thinks
this is a miracle that we need to really consider. But, I am starting a new job
this summer, how could we ever do this? How can we afford this?
Husband: People afford a second child all the
time, but it doesn’t seem like it’s the best time for us. Is it a boy or a
girl?
Me: I asked, presumably it s girl
but no evidence as such, so we truly don’t know. Ok, I am calling her in the
morning and telling her No.
Husband nods.
I sleep well, confident in our decision. We can ask a couple
that has been attempting to adopt who live near of us if they are interested,
the children could at least see each other periodically. And, if they aren’t
interested there are lots of couples interested in adopting an infant – there
is nothing for us to be concerned about.
Its morning, I am getting ready sitting at my vanity when
Husband walks in.
Me: I
have to call the attorney by noon.
Husband: Yes
Me: Well, what are we going to tell
Beny later in life when she finds out we had the opportunity to raise her with
a full sibling, ‘Sorry, baby, but, it wasn’t a good time in our lives?
Husband: So you are saying we should do it?
Me: Yes, but we need to talk to Mom
and Dad to make sure they are in agreement, adding another infant to the house
changes everything, and they already help a lot with Beny.
Husband: Yes, they have to be in agreement or we
don’t do it. And, tell Birth-Parents, the shop is closed, not to call us in
another 15 months.
I talk to my folks, of course they are in agreement, they
love Beny so very much there is no way that another child wont be another
blessing. I call the attorney and tell her we are in.
Emails start pouring in from the Birth family, seems like we
were the last to know that we were going to be asked to add this baby to our
family.
There are two important facts I have learned about my life
in the past year, the first being that I am not in control of my life. Oh,
there are things I can control, many decisions I have the right to make
however, there are certain big-ticket items that only God controls and no
amount of planning will alter that reality, at least in my opinion. Secondly, I
have learned my life is filled with miracles, beautiful miracles, I just need
to be aware of them and allow myself to accept them.
This new child, a girl, yes, another girl - I tell you God
likes toying with me - is a one of those miracles. It is now May, the baby is
due mid-June, we have time, lots of time for the background checks, the state
home study, and the paperwork. It takes a little work but we get sign-off from
Birth-Mom to talk to her OB/GYN, of course there has been no prenatal care to
speak of. Her new doctor requested a sonogram, when we talked she was concerned
about the size of the fetus, she felt the baby was too small for her gestational
age. When the sonogram results came in the doctor called me, and said,
everything is fine, the baby is not due until mid-July making the fetus size in
line with what it should be, at the earliest we are looking at and around June
28th.
I sigh with relief, more time, good. We can prepare, I can
complete the several interviews that are on my schedule. Whew, more time, we
can do this, save money, purchase what we need, all is well in my world.
What we do have prepared is her name, try as we did, we could
not decide nor agree on any other name but Yve Thérèse Pérez Gómez - Yve,
because I have always loved that name of course with a Y, because of my name
and Thérèse after my patron saint.
May 24th, we are at my cousins wedding, and our
attorney calls, Birth-Mom is in labor. NO! I am supposed to have at least four
more weeks maybe even six more weeks. I am on a plane on Monday, Memorial Day,
I am no where near ready for this child. Though the blessings were abundant,
miraculously abundant, Mirisa and her husband offered that I stay with them
saving an unforeseen amount in hotel and rental car fees. Jose, my parents and
I are eternally grateful to Mirisa, her husband and her children not only for
the great blessing they granted us, but also for allowing me the opportunity to
get to know them better. Mirisa is a very special spirit, she is an Angel on
Earth, she is one of those rare individuals that’s intelligent, kind, truthful,
sincere and real. I don’t consider her to be an Angel only for what she did for
me, but, for the many she has helped, for her concern for Humanity and the
children the world over. Her children are wonderful young people, bundles of
joy, with caring hearts. The uniqueness of her children is amazing to me, they
are very different in personality but, their love for the world and others is
the same merely expressed differently. God Bless her husband for putting up
with me, he opened his home and family to me. One of the many things I learned
in the three weeks I stayed with them is how I want Jose and I to raise our
daughters in how they treat each other.
Yvie, nicknamed by Mom, is early, and is in the NICU. She is
not born addicted to drugs, though as a late-term preemie still needs a lot of
physical maturity. The doctors could not commit to me how long she would need
to be in the NICU. During this time, I am interviewing via Skype from Mirisa’s,
from the hospital, whatever I can do, but, it has come time to complete an
in-person interview in Iowa, will Yvie be discharged in time? I talk to Yvie
explaining to her that she must learn to suck-swallow-breathe and consume
several feedings consecutively for 48 hours in order to be discharged. We make
it, Yvie is discharged on Thursday, we depart on Friday in time for me to come
home for a few days, transition care to Husband and Mom and depart on my
interview. Yeah!!
It was hard being away from Beny for so long, she had been
fussy, looking for me according to Husband and Mom.
This adoption was smoother, we are grateful to the Birth-Parents, and the Birth family on both sides. I got the opportunity to meet my daughters other siblings on this trip, they are all beautiful and intelligent children. We hope that our girls will have a relationship with them, that is our goal.
Beny fell in love with her sister, to this day she hugs and
kisses her, sometimes a little roughly. As Beny brought blessings and joy to our home, Yvie brings her own
gifts to us, she brings miracles and luck.
Welcome to your family Yvie, today you are two months old,
and we can’t imagine our lives without you.
I am working on downgrading my planning efforts, though I doubt I will achieve much success, I will keep you informed.
