Theory: 3 Types of Mothers in the World

I have a theory.... there are 3 types of Mothers in the World.  The order of listing does not represent any inherent value to the type.

Type 1: The Glam Mom
This is the type of Mom that is always perfectly coifed, nails lacquered, wears high heels in spite of lugging around 25 pounds plus of a child, uses large cashmere scarfs to hide public breast feeding instead of drop cloths all the while managing to keep the scarf perfectly resting on her shoulders while not breast-feeding, only carries one medium size bag, preferably a Louis Vuitton (contingent upon the disposable income of course), the Glam is constant regardless of income, this type of woman can be glamorous on any income. The Glam Mom never home-schools, she doesn’t really care what anyone thinks of her mothering skills except the people close to her. She maintains a social/political event calendar that is impressive, she may work, but she always maintains the decorum of Glam regardless of the personal or professional situation. She is the Mom with the $2500 stroller if it can be afforded, regardless of income she has the best within her budget. Appearances are important, and she is successful at appearances. The Glam Mom makes mothering look easy and stress-free because her children behave in public, her children are always dressed nicely, appropriately and are clean. Wrinkles in her clothes and on her face are not part of her vocabulary, they simply don't exist because she said so. When I think of this woman, I see an orchid, strong, gentle and fragrant.

Type 2: The Sporty Mom
The Sporty Mom manages to find time to exercise at the gym, wears her little tight leggings or shorts, sports bra,  is make-up less, generally has short or cropped hair and is sufficiently organized that she accomplishes everything she sets out to do during her day.  Dirty dishes rarely sit in her sink. Sporty Mom is always at the kids sports event, cheering them on from the sidelines with just the appropriate amount of agression. She spends very little time on herself, her day is spent on household chores and caring for children, her children are always the priority. For a baby-day-out she only needs one bag, she is able to consolidate her personal and baby items into that one bag, she doesn’t need more bags because Murphy’s Rules never apply to her, babies don't have poop explosions requiring extra wipes, nor do the kids use Sharpies to decorate their clothes right before entering the Church.  This Mother loves to homeschool thinking no one can teach her children better than she. Her children are active little things focused on sports and their education, she is strict, she never has to ask her children if their homework is completed, for it always is. She strives to be Mother-of-the-Year, she loses herself in the family structure. A peace lily is what reminds me of this Mom, strong, simple elegance personified and unique in her own right.

Type 3: The Frazzled Mom

The Frazzled Mom is dressed appropriately in public (other than the grocery store), for social events and most in particular for work. At social events she would rather be over-dressed than under-dressed. She definitely has her public persona and her home persona; the two seldom intertwine. When actively parenting her hair is pulled back, she is in not so pretty sweats or jeans, baggy t-shirts and tackles the parenting job head on with a laser focus. She knows her children aren’t perfect, nor does she portray the falsehood of perfection to her community. Her life is not only about her children, husband and home. She has an individuality that she fights to maintain, and seeks time for herself. She wants her daughters to know an education is used as a stepping stone in the career ladder, she wants to be her children’s inspiration through her actions of individuality and not just Motherhood. This Mom is the girl scout of preparing for baby’s day out, it takes large bags, lots of them. She is multi-dimensional, fierce, and assertive like peonies, just keep peeling back those petals and you find there are always more layers to that personality.

Which one am I, hmmm let me see, of course the only option for me is the Frazzled Mom and by the way my daughter is better dressed than I am on a daily basis. I would most assuredly prefer to be a Glam Mom, but I can never keep one of those large scarfs in place, it would have to be stapled to my neck. Actually, I think most Moms fall into the Frazzled category merely by the virtue that life is hectic, and in todays world where Moms either want a career or have to work, there is not enough time in the day to be Glam.  On good days, I’m lucky I get my makeup on and hair blown out (it takes me a good 40 minutes to blow-dry my hair well). On the days that I am only ‘Momming’ my hair is usually wash and wear which means it gets nice and frizzy living in a 100% humidity I often look like the wicked witch – think of my hair as a pyramid in the hot desert though not so elegantly layered. My attire is alluring, ask the Husband. I have several at-home-outfits, varying from black yoga pants, to black sweats, to old baggy jeans. My tops are all the same style, $5 t-shirts from Academy in a variety of colors, namely spring and winter colors in two different sizes, baggy and really baggy from the mens-department for their length. Another differentiator of the t-shirts, is how stained they are, I do everything in these t-shirts, cook, bake, bathe baby, even sleep in them, yep, sexy all the way. Though the Good Husband never complains. For Christmas I asked Santa for more t-shirts, it was time to rotate the really stained ones into cleaning rags.

I would prefer to be the Glam Mom, truly I would, but, sadly it's not me.

I just know that one day Beny, will look me up and down rolling her eyes in the way that all 13 year olds have perfected while saying, “Did you see her Mom, wasn’t she dressed nice, she is so beautiful and YOUNG.” I don’t have the perfect response yet, but, I’m working on it.

Which type of Mom are you? Take the Poll.

© Yvonne B. Pérez and The Life and Confessions of an Older Mother, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Yvonne B. Pérez and The Life and Confessions of an Older Mother with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.